I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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