is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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