homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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