why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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