hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize