never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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