And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
