Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
