Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
