We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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