She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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