your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
