Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
