It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
