I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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