alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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