I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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