i think my tv is drunk
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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