...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
