About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
