He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
