if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
