I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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