best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
