Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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