Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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