Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
