laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
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Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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