the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize