Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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