I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
