I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
