I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
