there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
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Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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