well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
