i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
one might say we're banned from that church
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
