ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
