Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
