I'm gonna have a badass scar
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
