I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
