you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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