she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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