saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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