These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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