Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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