haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize