Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
