are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
