You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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