My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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