Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
