if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
