Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
this just has baby written all over it
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
