Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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