Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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