The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i love accidental penises.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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