apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
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I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
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I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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