Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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