3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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