ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
