Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
