How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
