that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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