someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
