i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
